read me on webook?

A few months ago, I discovered something thoroughly amazing. A website where you could post the novel you were working on, or collaborate with other authors, and get feedback on your work. This little gem of a site is worth its weight in gold, because since I started "webooking", I have felt generally better about my work, and gotten a healthy dose of constructive criticism along the way.

You can check out my projects here and give some feedback if you wish.

Since I now feel the need to brag, I'm going to post my two all-time favorite feedbacks.

This is an excellent start, but it still needs something in my opinion. Clearly you are going for a "short punch", and I can appreciate that, but consider this:

First, suggest that something terrible happened to "cap off" your otherwise good vacation.

Then, spend a bit more time in description of arriving at the parking garage, and the father "wending his way" down to a chosen parking spot. (This will allow tension to build a bit.)

Thirdly, consider adding the mother's voice, and let that voice suggest the terror SHE sees which prompts the kids to "hide". As it stands, it's just a "do it because mom said so" moment, and therefore lacks in verisimilitude.

I REALLY like the music in the background (for your main character), and would have liked to see that developed just a bit more.

Very nice start. Your writing is clean and crisp.

See, that was EXTREMELY constructive.

And. . . for the kick of all-flattery:

I absolutely love the concept of this: the idea is original, the structure interesting, the writing punchy and unique and the characters are coming to life. Myra, especially, is very three dimensional and I love the way you convey her through the blog entries. Would love to read more and see where you take this! :D

A special "thank you" to Webookers RikScott and emmalea_21 for their insight into A Reluctance To Fly and The Blog Of Myra Monopoly, respectively.